A Break From Life

We all need a break sometimes, some people more than others, and if we don’t get that break we break down. I’ve broken down a few times, last time I broke down was last week, and I wouldn’t wish that feeling on my worst enemy. I am a complete mess when this happens and last week I had to miss out of work because of it which made me feel even worse. Luckily, recently I met someone who has made a big change in my life and talking to that person helps me a lot.
     But what can we do when we need a break? I’m sorry but I don’t have the answers for that. I build things up inside until they explode and I break down. Writing down my feelings sometimes helps. I just want to get away from everything for a while. Go somewhere where there is some peace and quiet. An little house on an island with beaches, trees, flowers and animals. Where I don’t have to think about time, I’d just do whatever I want whenever I want. Do some writing, make some yummy food, read, knit, make some music, sing, dance, sleep, rest, lay on the beach, get sun kissed, all the things I want to do but never have the time to do. I want some time to find myself. 

   I am so afraid. Terrified. Scared. Alone. All those things bring me down. I am afraid of that reflection in the mirror. That young woman who is staring at me, I have no idea who that is. That is not me. I don’t know who I am anymore. I guess every young adult goes through this face, trying to find ourselves, but it isn’t easy. Far from easy I can tell you. Not everybody make it through that face. I have thought about the easy way out but I am stronger than that. I am a fighter and I’m not alone. A year ago, when I thought of the easy way out, I thought I was alone, I felt so alone and kept hanging on to the past. That is when I got some medical help and got some break for a while. I stopped thinking about the past and started aiming for the future. But lately the past has been knocking on my door.
   . Well that is it of crying for now. Sorry about so low blog post but I just needed to get this out of my head.
   Until next time,

 ~ Elisabeth